Unveiling the Inner Critic
Many of you struggle with self-doubt and self-defeating thoughts. There’s an inner critic in you that simply cannot be ignored. NO matter how much you do, how much you learn, what degrees you hold, what you have accomplished in your life, what position you play or amount of material wealth you possess, you can still struggle with that inner critic.
It’s that voice in your head that says, you can never do enough or be enough to be loved and accepted. For no matter what you do, he/she/they will never see the uniquely awesome person that you are.
The deeper question within is: Am I worthy of love, and can I be accepted as I AM?
That is what it boils down to!
Let me start by saying Yes, the answer is a resounding YES. You are worthy, and To believe anything contrary only robs you of the truth that is your birthright! Worthiness is an inherent value and you were born with it. That worthiness cannot be taken away or diminished by external circumstances, beliefs or actions of others.
Now that I have your attention… let me ask ---are you that person who is wondering how to silence that inner critic? Are you working tirelessly in an attempt to prove yourself so that you can rise above those opposing thoughts… those unreasonable expectations? Where in the world did this critic come from?
Hi, I'm Stephanie Willis, Co-creator and Lead Facilitator at ineedareboot.com and in this message of empowerment, I am going to offer some effective tools to help you disconnect that ‘pre-recorded’ message in your mind and record new messaging so that you can experience more joy in your life.
Recording in Progress
Let's start with a visual…Think of your mind as an autonomous audio/video recorder that does not have an off switch. It is recording all the time. Like an old cassette or VHS tape, lets rewind it back to the beginning of your life when the developing mind is most impressionable. Your Genesis actually began even before you left the incubator of your mothers womb. Your physical embodiment tuned into sound and energetic impressions like vocal tonality--- what I mean by that is, the energy behind the words. Even before you entered the world, the recording was on.
This recorder takes those words, tonalities, messages and eventually images and creates stories from a child’s point of view. If the primary adults in your life were creating an atmosphere of fear, lack of safety, neglect, lack of love and so on--- as a child you may have been led to believe that you needed to do something to make those around you happy or pleased with you--- as a child, you may have felt you needed to earn love and recognition and there’s a lot of scenarios between those statements! There seems to be more compelling evidence of this when you have siblings who are not having the same experience, at least not from your perspective.
Whether the beliefs established in your mind were stories you created or direct messages you received, your subconscious mind recorded them and stored them --- and these beliefs became the blueprints of your self-perception, recordings and all!
What does this mean---- it means, that inner critic, is an old recording set to autoplay. It is impervious to attempts to suppress, ignore, or be overshadowed by other noise. This other noise can be overeating, over sexing, overworking, overly saturated with media, overshopping, over-serving, people pleasing, oversocializing, overfunctioning, excessive drinking or in some way-- running from that voice.
What Can You Do?
1️⃣ HEAR IT OUT
Hear it out, that inner critic represents the echoes of erroneous thoughts and opinions that had to come from somewhere. So before you can do anything, you might want to listen to what it is saying. Try not to become emotionally attached and don’t let it define you but listen to its message so you can identify its authentic source.
2️⃣ WRITE IT DOWN
Take not of what you hear or feel – don’t judge the messages just allow them to surface, be heard and write them down -
The Voice of the Critic
Sometimes it sounds like this:
You are always going to be at this level in life
You don’t know what you’re doing--- you’re gonna muck it up
Come on, there’s tons of people better at this than you – don’t embarrass yourself
Who is going appreciate what you have to offer--- just be like everybody else--- blend in
Who is going to listen to you – Who is going to believe in you
You can’t tell that story or live that way (it would be an act of betrayal against your family)
Here are 3 common scenarios: you might be a person that has climbed many mountains in your life with notable success yet you fail to acknowledge just how much you have accomplished. You ignore all of the successes you’ve had and obstacles you’ve overcome along the way because:
Someone has convinced you that you lack worthiness or
Sometimes parents with good intentions set such rigid or excessively high standards that you may feel a responsibly to meet their specific vision of success.
You are perhaps blindly hyper-focused on receiving approval, recognition or praise from ‘a specific source’.
That inner voice might tell you:
You are not good enough
You’ll lose their love and approval if you let them down
You’re invisible to them and they don't care about you at all.
And you know what eventually happens, you find a way to self-sabotage your experiences until those experiences fulfill the words of the inner critic. Let’s stop this pattern in its tracks and write down these pervasive thoughts.
3️⃣ ASSESS THE FACTS & DETACH
Assess the facts with your reasoning mind – beginning with the fact that every human being possesses inherent value, that includes you. Realize that you get to choose what you think and believe about yourself. Now practice unpacking the 🧳 messages you wrote down in #2.
For example: if the message is "I am not good enough," then unpacking that message 🧳(baggage) might look like this :
🧳 Why do you think you are not good enough?
Response: "I often doubt my value and worth."
🧳 Why do you doubt your value and worth?
Response: "People don’t seem to hear me or see me."
🧳 Why do you think people don't see you?
Response: "I'm afraid to put myself out there to fully be seen."
🧳 Why are you afraid to put yourself out there and be fully seen?
Response: "I worry that if I reveal my true self, I'll face rejection, judgment or criticism”
🧳 Why do you think you fear rejection or judgment when you're your true self?
Response: "I've had past experiences where I was vulnerable and was met with unwavering judgment and criticism, I felt my true self was rejected and it made hesitant to open up again."
🧳 Can you identify a significant experience where you were vulnerable and faced criticism or rejection?
Response: "Yes, I remember many instances when I shared my thoughts with _______ on ways to _________, and those thoughts were met with anger and rejection, I felt unseen, unappreciated and it defined a point in which I began doubting my sense of self."
Here you evaluate how it made you feel and why. We dive much deeper into these in the bootcamp but this will still help you to start the process!
A Useful Tool:
This practice goes a long way to helping you discover the source of your self-perception. It is the thread that binds our thoughts, emotions, and self-awareness, guiding us towards a deeper understanding of why we hold certain beliefs about ourselves. Learning to unravel the threads of belief will help you shift the balance of power and harness the fulness of your potential.
Thank you for inviting me to join you on your journey of self-discovery and self-mastery. Remember, when your mind begins replaying old recordings, the key to silencing it is to unravel it.
Hear it out.
Write it down. Recognize the message and discern where it is coming from.
Use your reasoning mind to unpack the message. Assess the facts and detach from the feelings - Avoid assumptions and emotional traps.
I’ve included a link to download a worksheet from Module 1 of my bootcamp. This worksheet will assist with the ideas presented here.
Invitation to Freedom
If you're ready to take the next step in transforming your life, consider registering for the 12-week LIVE bootcamp hosted within my virtual incubator. Together we learn, grow, integrate, and meditate to holistically become the best version of ourselves. You are free to laugh, cry, and share in a safe supportive container while you alchemize and transform that old, dusty, stagnant, debilitating energy into fluidity, flow and greatness!
I want you to know that experiencing the true joys of life are not only possible. I am telling you it is within your reach, but you have to trust, believe and push yourself beyond all suffering. The journey of self-discovery and true liberation is probably the most challenging yet the most rewarding one you will ever take but you do not have to journey alone.
Get in touch for a free consult!